They say honesty is the best policy but they never tell you what you get when you invest in this policy. Then release you to the world for you to live, love and learn. The one thing they never tell you is how to stay happy, how to continue to wear a smile and how to always be thankful and never have a moment where you just want to say FUCK IT. I have learned that even from some of the closest friends that I have that sometimes you have to bend the rules to truly be happy. To truly wake up in the morning and feel that rush of love and overwhelming joy sometimes you have to take your forbidden secrets and fantasies and make them come true, or suffer the consequences of should've could've would've. When I was young I used to think that when I got older I would find a man who loved me for the simplest reasons and those reasons would stretch over the period of our lifetime and wrap themselves around me like a warm blanket fresh out of the dryer. Everything screams love and if you wait long enough for this soulmate without a name or face you would live eternally grateful for that day you and that person crossed paths. They never really read you the small print at the bottom of the page that says that you can be happy but you may have to endure some of life's greatest hardships to wear that smile on your face, everything in life has a price. You want to believe that one person can fulfill almost all the things in life that causes your heart to love a little harder with each passing day, you want to believe that the person you gave your heart to guards it as safe as the very lungs you take each breathe from. What if we need lies? Lies are not all bad lies and they make you feel good sometimes to embellish or to make things seem more important than they really are. It makes you feel as if your life has more meaning and your words hold more strength, you like to lie because it can get you out of unwanted situations or get you in between the legs of someone you never thought you would be able to experience just being yourself. You tell lies on sick days, you tell lies to your spouse when you want to get off the phone to watch the game. Maybe lies are not so bad if like with everything else you only lie when necessary and when you know you cant get caught. Maybe smokey mirrors are needed so that you can never see all of life's little smudges that never wash away. Sadness can engulf you when the truth isn't what you want it to be, but then again when you find out the truth behind the lies it hurts even worse. What if what you think is right is really wrong and what you want to do on impulse is your conscious telling that your first instinct is always the right one. You could be married and love another and what if those two people are what you need to be happy and to honestly wake up every morning and feel that your life is worth living. The connections we make in this lifetime are the greatest memories that we will ever hold and when those final days come upon you no materialistic or moralistic judgement that never MOVED YOU will stand out in a mind that grows fuzzier as time marches on. I think when things you want to hold onto just seems to completely slip out of your hands every time and your tears seem to replace those pearly white smiles, its time for you to move on to the next phase of your life. I want to create my own little world where my feelings always come first and everyone around me will question my motives and all I will do is smile and laugh and turn my head and keep upon my path. I want to trample on the feelings of others who do not respect my space and I want to be the one to hang up the phone and never text back without so much as an urge to act against my greater judgement. I will make others cry who dont believe in me but continue to linger around in my circle. I promise to lie everyday of my life for the rest of my life if my happiness sees fit, because my truth may live in my lies but you will never know because they come from a place you can never go.
