Saturday, May 30, 2009


With his new found fame and a smile that could melt butter, you believe him to be almost inhuman. Business deals, conference calls that invigorates that very industry that only moves to the talents of those who have the key to those golden gates. He dresses so plain yet glides so suave in his sweats and nikes. His mandatory list of things that no successful man should go without includes his whips, his home and the ladies he caresses without a single touch but gives them the visual satisfaction of an orgasmic night filled with passion through the VERY eyes they have had since birth as they skim over what they believe could be their's without physical efforts. It's funny what money does for you, but fame is a whole other conjunction of troubles and unrealistic broken boundaries. They show up in places that you know but only love the places you don't go. They make love to the women that you want the most, but wife up the ones that made it through the vicious "you should be a model" bit and remained themselves either encouraged or are just now making it out of the legal gates. Why do they get these reigns of knowledge that supposedly pours into our youth to better their minds and feed their humming souls? What makes talent "talent" these days? Where are the 2Pacs? Biggies? What makes you press the back button eagerly swaying to the beat as the entrance moves you the most. What makes your eyes remain closed as you dream so vividly past your desires into a realm of complete satisfaction, or what makes you bob your head as if your worries couldn't dare to compare to the struggle you live day to day while their freestyles FREE you. Women love them without any preliminary thoughts just a free pass for this industry man, and yet when he refuses to call your heart bleeds as if the effort wasn't just lust but a blinding love. You never loved him, you never knew him as we never knew him because even if everyone doubts this industry man he continues to strive for what he can not even see himself. He hungered in the beginning for this so called fame and fortune, mirror after blinding mirror he found out that his plan's needs changed like the wind. That industry man you wonder why he stays so secret when all you say to yourself is that he is THE ONE. But you forget that with one wrong turn he can fall and that industry man you desired so much with the extra lean in his step looks much duller, less extravagant and more regular than you would have ever imagined him. Poor industry man once admired for much and hated by many, to barely a phone call and bills are tormenting morning after morning. So what makes this industry man if his talent doesn't live beyond the length of his songs? how do you remain in an industry that doesn't even know what it's made of? Has lost its edge and in need of that deep penetration, real lyricism, and music from the soul. What makes that industry man truly talented in a time thats damn near TALENTLESS? In a time where a dance or happy meal comes with an album that isn't worth the packaging it came in? I guess we will never know what the industry man and his so called talents is worth these days, or is vain and non substance fame all that this industry has to offer this industry man with his industry dreams.


Naked is my thing, to strip myself exclusively for the world to see. To caress what another has to ask to experience. Love for many is an act of stretched kindness and a blind sited reason to cry, be obsessive, or just occupy their time so as to not have to focus on themselves. And yet project anger onto their loved ones for the simple pleasure of taking it out on their spouse. Whatever the reason may be its never a good enough reason to miss out on how you can take out the time to fall in love with yourself again or for the first time. To be able to touch yourself and view yourself in a way that no one else can see but you. I strip myself at times and just look in the mirror, because I already know what's going on in my head but do I always have a clear vision of myself? It's nice at times to go back to the basics of love, lust and personal self enjoyment. Like when I first got my boobs, my first bra, bikini and first compliments entering my womanhood. I once entered a moment in my life when I gained weight and hated the space I was in. Sometimes my hair didnt lay right, makeup would never look up to par, clothes not fitting or falling JUST right. Is it all in your mind but rarely projected into your visual persona? Sometimes I lay in bed and I move in a position that makes my body pleasing from the corner of my eye. Or when Im in the shower I try to catch a glimpse, do you love what you see? You may think its easy to say when you THINK someone else has it easy from the outside looking in. But this isn't about me, its about the fact that so many people wake up morning after morning and hate what they see, hate their job, hate to shop only to have clothing not picking out what they wish they could, hate to have to walk around and FEEL like they aren't where they want to be. I don't look at exercising or self discipline as a way to show everyone what I got. I workout because it adds to my positivity, it satisfies my need my hunger for self righteousness, and it adds to me waking in the morning and smiling at myself in the mirror. Not for my man, not for modeling, not to show up other women. It's just so that I can wake up and enjoy being NAKED. It's something that I can control regardless of if the world around me is the exact opposite. No bra and panties JUST me and all that I'm physically made up and capable of. So what about you? How do you feel when your stripped of the world around you and required to take an honest look at yourself? Because even though my life is a whirlwind of decisive decision making I always have the most beautiful smile when its all under my feet spread messily on the floor. I love to be Naked.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Just Me....

All of my life I have experienced the wrath of psychological damage upon a woman’s upbringing and troubles with differentiating what she loves verses what she blindly desires. My dreams are those of any typical woman coming from any background and that is to have security and happiness that I can call my own. I lived an early sheltered life followed by a whirl wind of smokey mirrors where all that seemed grand was truly empty and painfully hypnotic. The love for an industry that rarely loves back like a fatherless child in need of a solid role model. I have been transformed into a different person some positive and some not, but I have always held the refusal to ever stop or back down. Positivity has always been a major part of my life and thinking process. If I get a chance to experience something so special and something that will mean so much to so many women of different ages I will have done my part as a woman myself scorned but never torn. The video and magazine world makes you feel as if people love YOU and not just your look, as if they see the beautiful person that your family or loved ones sees. When truly it is all just work, it is all just for the advancement of that company and a lot of women like myself get caught up in the glam and excitement of flashing across a tv screen making more money in a day than you ever had in a month can really ware down on the person that you are. I had never lived to hear as many lies and deceitful promises as I have in the past 5 years of being referred to as a model. The game is so messed up to the point where the women are the ones who have to live the trash end of the bargain. I have been blessed enough to move forward with my life and create a space for myself that not only promotes positivity but has given me the strength to wake every morning without having to think about all the decisions good/bad that I have made up to this point in my life. We as women should just accept the fact that we WILL have it hard but if we stick together and love ourselves the way we feel men should love and support us we will succeed. A love from a man can be so beautiful but only when we as women have ourselves together and in a mind frame that the only man you need in your life is God. I know what it feels to be lost in a familiar room, or lonely in a crowd of repetitive faces. I know what it feels to wake in the morning completely lost and without even a trace of a road to follow. But Im still standing on firm ground.