Just Me....

All of my life I have experienced the wrath of psychological damage upon a woman’s upbringing and troubles with differentiating what she loves verses what she blindly desires. My dreams are those of any typical woman coming from any background and that is to have security and happiness that I can call my own. I lived an early sheltered life followed by a whirl wind of smokey mirrors where all that seemed grand was truly empty and painfully hypnotic. The love for an industry that rarely loves back like a fatherless child in need of a solid role model. I have been transformed into a different person some positive and some not, but I have always held the refusal to ever stop or back down. Positivity has always been a major part of my life and thinking process. If I get a chance to experience something so special and something that will mean so much to so many women of different ages I will have done my part as a woman myself scorned but never torn. The video and magazine world makes you feel as if people love YOU and not just your look, as if they see the beautiful person that your family or loved ones sees. When truly it is all just work, it is all just for the advancement of that company and a lot of women like myself get caught up in the glam and excitement of flashing across a tv screen making more money in a day than you ever had in a month can really ware down on the person that you are. I had never lived to hear as many lies and deceitful promises as I have in the past 5 years of being referred to as a model. The game is so messed up to the point where the women are the ones who have to live the trash end of the bargain. I have been blessed enough to move forward with my life and create a space for myself that not only promotes positivity but has given me the strength to wake every morning without having to think about all the decisions good/bad that I have made up to this point in my life. We as women should just accept the fact that we WILL have it hard but if we stick together and love ourselves the way we feel men should love and support us we will succeed. A love from a man can be so beautiful but only when we as women have ourselves together and in a mind frame that the only man you need in your life is God. I know what it feels to be lost in a familiar room, or lonely in a crowd of repetitive faces. I know what it feels to wake in the morning completely lost and without even a trace of a road to follow. But Im still standing on firm ground.